bunnies :(

it's not fair! how come they get to keep their kids @home and i can't keep my bunnies? bunnies are infinitely gentler, cuter, less troublesome, and more loveable than spoiled brats. and i've wanted bunnies for as long as i can remember! i finally get a pair, research on the things i need to do, buy the most suitable cage i could find, and daydream about the time when the bunnies finally come to take abode in my room. only to end up with the bunnies elsewhere, a place im not even sure they'll be taken care of, all because of some silly superstitions. ever since my sisters started leaving this house, i've been living alone. my room has been my home, and the rest of the house simply hallways and kitchens and bathrooms. and now, after over a year, i want a pet to keep me company. a bunny, no less. ive been fantasizing about it nonstop for the past 72 hours, only to be forced to leave them elsewhere. and when i go to visit, they have to make me go home because i have to study. if i were to die tomorrow id be much happier if id spent today caring for bunnies than studying... i mean, really, there are other more important things than scholastic achievements, too. in fact, right now i feel really tired of grades, of school stuff. they don't make sense when you can't even control your own life, can't even dictate your own actions, and can't live for the things you want. they don't make sense when you're constantly living for other people. they stayed away long enough for me to form my own character, likes, and dislikes, and i don't think they have the right to force their priorities on me. i want a bunny, because i want to be loved by and to love somebody who doesn't love me for my intellect or achievements or whatever. i want somebody whom i can really talk to, anytime. somebody who will be there, somebody i can cuddle when i need to. of course, i have my best friend to do all that, but he can't always be at my place. he has his own life, and i have no plans of changing it to suit my needs and wants. but a bunny... ill make them really happy, and they'll make me really happy, too. ill buy them toys and treats. i even memorized the whole diet plan for my bunnies for the next year or so. i already know what to buy and when to give them. i really want those bunnies, and i want them badly. i wanna make sure they're warm and comfortable, that they're well-fed and rehydrated always. i wanna make sure that they're happy. and i want them to be there for me, too. i want them to help me destress after a day's work. i want them to help me cope with school pressures and requirements and thesis and all that. i want them badly... and i want them here with me now. 10years is a long time to wait to finally get bunnies for which i've fully prepared myself. it was a task which i was seriously going to take on, not unlike baking or working on a project. and it hurts when your batter gets spilled by some rowdy kid right after you've mixed it to perfection. it hurts when your pc crashes and you lose all the work you've done on a project. it hurts to prepare and yearn for bunnies, only to realize in the end that you won't have the liberty of keeping them. sometimes i wish i were stronger. strong enough to leave home and face all its consequences. strong enough to assert and fight for what i want. from a course in college to the little things that matter most. but im only strong for as long as i don't risk anything serious. and sometimes i wish i were stronger...

Fridge Problem

*sigh* ok, im stressed… things haven’t been too easy the past few days. And now the fridge is down, so I can’t bake the cakes im supposed to be baking now. The butter I’m supposed to be using is melting, and that’s not exactly good for cakes. And there are all these other things that need to be done, things to be taken care of. If I don’t bake the cakes now I wont be able to give one to my high school teacher on time coz I doubt id have time tomorrow morning. I don’t even have the cake boxes yet. I did find a shop near here just last night that sells cake boxes, but they sell by the hundreds. Assuming I heard correctly, though, they sell them at a price that’s way way way cheaper than those of other baking supply stores. Hmm... Im supposed to be on my way to school now to man the booth, but im just not in the mood to sit there and idle my time away. We have a mobile game to finish by feb20+ which we haven’t started on, machine projects for school, more machine projects, oral reports, written reports, presentations, researches, and I wasn’t even able to attend the prayer meeting last Tuesday. Plus I don’t have a company yet for my ojt this summer. So many problems, so little time to fix them. Baking has become a pleasant escape, an outlet for my stress, something I can actually do even when I’m not feeling at my best, but circumstances prevent me from doing even that. What a nice day for the fridge to break down. It has been with us for more than ten years now. Why not break down two days ago? Maybe if that happened it would be okay now, or there’d be a new fridge by now so I can go on with my plans and finish my cakes. Of course, I can make the cakes now and not chill it, but I’ll have twelve egg yolks left over, and I’d planned on making a leche flan out of them. I can’t very well keep leche flan from spoiling without a fridge, can i? Or egg yolks, either. And even if I could, it’d be too late for me to figure that out now. My classes begin at 1300, and I need to be in school before twelve to have my annual physical exam, get my preactivity documents from cso, get my letter of approved absence from the student affairs office (which, by the way, has been there for the past three days. I hope it hasn’t been thrown away yet). I have an exam tomorrow night, and lots of exams for next week to top it all off. Plus we’re supposed to show our adviser something for our mobile game later today, and we have barely made progress. *sigh* I just want a fridge right now. That’s all. That’s enough to make me happy, forget all my problems momentarily, and give me time to rethink my priorities. I can’t even be a good friend coz I have problems on my own. It makes it difficult to think and decide on other people’s behalf. And that just makes me feel so bad sometimes. Knowing you’re not helping a friend… especially if that friend is your best friend, and he’s making a decision that’s really important to him. I feel so worthless right now. Well, I guess that’s it for now. If you’re still with me up to this point, thank you very much for reading. I guess I just needed an outlet for my frustrations.

Take care and God bless!

Annual Recruitment Week (ARW)

The Future is OURS... La Salle Computer Society (LSCS)
- We provide tutorials, reviewer distributions, general assemblies (GAs), food fests, tours, games, sports tournaments, and much much more! :-) LSCS is not just for CCS students, its a university-wide org! See you at ARW! :-)

Imagine... and you shall create images.
Write... and you shall immortalize them... Writers' Guild (WG)
- No rules... No predefined styles... Just be yourself! :-) Write to unleash your emotions, to inspire your readers, or simply to pass the time. :-) Here in WG, you are your own master. We provide workshops, training seminars, and many many venues for your works. :-) but ultimately, YOU develop YOUR writing style. See you at ARW!

take care and God bless! :-)

P.S. June 13 is a nonworking holiday. :-) no classes. no work.

happy birthday chino!

*yawn* im sleepy. :-) hehe, but i really have to finish some forms tonight. and i gotta get started on either anmath2 or rels2. :-) hehe, cant afford having a backlog of school and extracurricular work building up again. lolz!

anywayz, i had fun with the frosh today, haha. :-) i went to miss nats's compro1 lab class as a peer tutor, see. its really fun to mke new friends, haha. :-) hmm, cept that i felt they weren't really that interested and all. oh well, hehe, c miss nats nman prof nila, eh. :-) they're in good hands.

the frosh acquaintance party was postponed to june 18, btw. :-) hmm, and i cant attend anymore, huhuhu. hehe, have ACM training from 10am onwards, c. :-) and even if i didnt, i still have the CLiP to worry about. its from 10am - 5pm. :-) 2 bad... pizza hut pa nman ata food sponsor nila, haha. oh boy, im hungry again. and thirsty, hehe. :-) wish there were some C2 bottles in the fridge right now. lolz!

anywayz, God bless, everyone! :-) have a nyc weekend!

spiritual questions

hmm... i missed college fellowship again tonight... :-) oh well, i guess i dnt regret it, though. i daresay it served a purpose somehow. :-) hmm... talked to a friend. and you know what, i found myself questioning my own faith. hehe! :-) looks like i still have a lot to learn and a long way to go in attaining spiritual maturity. its very difficult to keep intellectual reasoning and thoughts from interfering with what faith and religion advocates. :-) and i just wonder, as my friend does, what happens to nonbelievers. :-) i mean, what if they just never had the chance to know God? :-) what if no one introduced Him to them at all? ive heard people tell me how lucky i am that i was introduced to Him in my lifetime. :-) but what about those who didnt and will never have that chance? quoting someone from a story (im not sure if its fictional or not), "what kind of God is it who condemns nonbelievers to hell for all eternity?" :-) and as much as I love and trust God, its very difficult keep from doubting when i hear these things. :-) and i want to know. i want to know the truth about God, about the world, about the true essence of life in this world. :-) *sigh* i just talked with cathy jie about this yesterday, actually. she tells me that one can find out. one can find out even in this life. :-) and i want to find out. i daresay I've experienced Him and His works personally. ive kept records of things He has done that initially didnt make sense but that fit perfectly well with the other pieces of my life later on. :-) but somehow my faith is not absolute. i have doubts... and i want to be sure about what i believe in. :-) i want to have the wisdom and conviction to properly witness without being close-minded or too fundamental yet certain enough to keep my stand all throughout. :-) am i still making sense? :-) haha, anywayz... oh well. things'll fall into place.

Pabenta Libro

The LSCS Pabenta Libro was cancelled... how sad... :-)

anywayz, i cant wait to get started on my church service! :-) hehe, especially since maus and david will most likely be joining me. :-)

hmm.. i miss being one of the frosh. :-) hehe, somehow being a soph feels different... kinda alien. :-) hehe, and a lot scarier. :-) lolz! makes me feel as though nobody's inclined to help me with my studies anymore coz soph na ko, haha. :-) oh wel...

im still looking for staffers and editors for gutspill, btw. :-) the official publication of writers guild. please tell me if ur interested. :-)

God bless everyone! :-)

sad

just sad...